med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
