I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
