Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
