Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
