You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
