Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
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merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
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YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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