YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
