his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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