Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
