He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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