No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
