i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
