i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
