Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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