I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
