Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
