I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
