I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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