Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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