Your mouth is God's brothel.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
