So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
