beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
