Just fell off a train. Bad.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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