What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
