Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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