I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
