i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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