I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
