HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
