erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
