And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
