everyone is single if you try hard enough
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
