Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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