he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
