I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
