apparently the secret to your success is patron
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
