roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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