I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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