apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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