if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
