how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
