Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
