When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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