I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
