This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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