By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
