Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
