Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm really busy with my period
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