I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
