I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
