I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
