you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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