so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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