glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
