Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
