We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
