So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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