just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
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