just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
