man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
