Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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