so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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