She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
