did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
