Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
