It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
